So You Want To Get A Job?

The company I work for frequently gets walk-ins who are looking for a job. With these people in mind, I have put together a helpful list of items/pitfalls to avoid that potential job applicants might find useful.

1. Be sober. Don't come looking for a job application when you are drunk or high. Especially if you come in at 8 in the morning. If you can't be 100% sober, at least don't use whiskey as a mouth wash. If I feel like I'm getting a contact high from the fumes emanating from your body, your application will be shredded as soon as you leave the office.
2. Wear shoes. Now, I know you CAN wear bedroom slippers outside of your home when they have some sort of substantial soles, but it doesn't mean you should. 
3. Know what the company does. For example, I work for a landscape company. We don't have any job openings for waiters.
4. Don't bring your Mom in to fill out your application. If you can't put your name and phone number on a piece of paper without Mom's help, we won't be trusting you with big pieces of machinery with sharp blades.
5. (Maybe 4a?) Mom is not your best choice for a reference. But, surprisingly, your Probation Officer is a good choice.
6. Don't complain about how long it took you to get to the office. You'll be starting and ending each work day at this office, so if it bothers you so much, find someplace closer to your house to apply.
7. Don't complain about how hot you got just walking down the street. This is a labor intensive job, done OUTSIDE. You don't like the heat, move to another state. 
8. If you must bring your children along to pick up an application, at least be in control of them. Don't let them wander around the office unsupervised or let them trash the bathroom. 
9. You might think your hat with a pot leaf on it is a good look. It's not.
10. Don't have a phone argument while you're sitting in the waiting area. Calling someone on the phone a "crazy bitch" and yelling other obscenities at her isn't giving us the best opinion of you. 

This list shouldn't be considered the be all, end all of all How To Get A Job blogs, but I'd like to think it's been helpful in just a little way. 

Things that are Older Than Arizona

Today, Arizona celebrates 100 years of statehood. Congratulations Arizona, for being the 48th state, the last to be admitted into the contiguous States of the Union. I suppose the reason why it took so long is that no one really wanted Arizona. I mean, sure, we were willing to give the land to the Native Americans after we forced them off their tribal lands, but actual statehood? Come on now. So, in honor of this milestone, I've put together a list of Things that are Older Than Arizona

1. My hometown- Weymouth, MA- settled in 1630, incorporated in 1635. Way older than Arizona.
2. The Boston Red Sox- established in 1901 (named the Red Sox in 1908)
3. Anne of Green Gables novels- published in 1908, arguably the first "young adult" novels written
4. Boy Scouts of America- established 1910
5. Crayola Crayons- 1885
6. Theory of Relativity- 1905
7. Vaccines- 1796
8. Groundhog's Day- 1886
9. Methuselah- a Great Basin Bristlecone Pine Tree in California- 4,843 years old, still living
10. George the Lobster- born 1896, released back into the wild in 2009, presumed to still be living

Obviously this list is not all inclusive. Many other things are older than 100 years old.

Two Turtles in Love

We took the kids to the Zoo this weekend. One where you can feed the giraffes. Avery was terrified of them, and the baby llama in the petting zoo. The giraffe I guess I can understand- it's head was as big as she was. But the baby llama? It's too fricking cute to be afraid of. It doesn't run, it BOUNCES, I kid you not.

Also, we must have been there during prime Tortoise mating season, because the tortoises were getting it on all over the Zoo. And, let me tell you, tortoises are loud and grunty lovers. It brought about all sorts of fun questions like "How come that turtle is taking a ride on the other ones back?" And "Is the Mommy turtle giving her baby a piggy back ride?" I seriously should have videoed it.