Is There An Emoticon for Slightly Homicidal?

I had a quick trip this weekend to Massachusetts. Left on Thursday night, came home to Phoenix on Sunday night. After yesterday's flight I was feeling slightly homicidal. I had to go into the airport an hour early, because my aunt's flight was an hour before mine, and it wouldn't be fair to my parents to make them do the Logan drive twice. That wasn't so bad- hung out at Boston Beer Works, and watched the hockey game.

Then, I get on the plane. I'm next to this Alzheimer's patient and her caregiver. The patient is freaking out about something, and proceeded to have loud verbal outbursts and panic attacks the entire flight. Honestly, it was really bad. And, this was their return trip home to Phoenix. This woman was in no shape to be flying, and whoever ok'd the flight in the first place screwed up. Noise cancelling headphones can only do so much.

Behind me was a very tall man. I couldn't put my seat back, because of his legs. No big deal. He asked me nicely, I complied. However, that didn't stop him from digging his knees into the back of my seat every 15-20 minutes during the last two hours of the flight. Somewhere over Colorado I turned around to him and called him out on it. Then when he wouldn't stop, I got passive aggressive and pushed back against him whenever he moved his knees. We're probably both bruised this morning, and I know that had I been a man and a foot taller, he probably would have punched me outside of the airport. As it was he called me a bitch and I told him to fuck off at the luggage carousel.

Don't get me wrong, I was happy I was able to get back for the weekend, but damn, I'm sore and tired this morning!

Kid's Writing Prompt

My kindergartener's teacher does a daily writing prompt with them, just to have them get in the habit of writing sentences. I got the April booklet home yesterday, and I was looking at them with my daughter. My favorite was "If I Won a Lot of Money." Avery's response was classic Avery:

If i wone alot of mony i wold bue a car. Becus mom is meen and wont bue me a car.
Translation: If I won a lot of money, I would buy a car. Because Mom is mean and won't buy me a car.

Avery is 5. We've not yet had the car discussion with her. I don't know where her response came from. I clarified with her that she meant a car to drive, not a play car. So, she still has 11 years before that happens. My husband and I died laughing at this one. The logic and scheming of this child is frightening. She will probably rule the world one day.

Birthday Party Goodie Bags

Dear Readers-
Last weekend, I made a shocking and momentous decision. I refused to spend an ungodly amount of money on goodie bags for my daughter's 10th birthday. Now, I know what you're thinking "But how did you manage that? Did you not care what the **other** parents will say about you? Do you want your daughter's friends to think you are a cheapskate?" And, the truth is- everyone can go fuck off.

The birthday party itself put us back about $250. But it was $250 well spent. My three kids and a dozen of my daughter's friends went bowling. Two hours of unlimited bowling, pizza, soda and a cake. The best part was NO ONE CAME TO MY HOUSE. Yup, I didn't have to clean a thing. And, there was a definite start and end time, so I wasn't stuck with extra kids for extra hours. On top of that, built in activity! So I didn't have to plan anything. Greatest birthday party ever.

Then, the gift bags. I don't know about you, but extravagant goodie bags seem to be the norm out here. Probably $5-$10 per kid, per bag. That's ridiculous. And, my kids (and probably yours) do not need piles of candy and crappy plastic toys. Toys that break on the way home, or are abandoned in the family room two minutes after they get home, and I have to throw them away without the kid seeing or much drama ensues. So, I bucked the trend. The birthday package included bowling pin shaped goodie bags. I got some, not much, candy on clearance at Walmart. Gave each kid 6 pieces of snack size candies- Milky Way, Butterfinger and Take5- and that was IT. I'm done with extravagant goodie bags. Done with them.

Please parents, join me in the goodie bag revolution! No more crappy plastic toys! No more pounds of candy!

Stand Strong!
New England Girl

Google Reader- So Long, and Thanks for all the Fish

Apparently, Google Reader is shutting down in July 2013. This makes me very sadface. But, in the mean time, it will give me a chance to check out some of the RSS readers out there. I'm starting with Bloglovin. Mostly because it's trending on Twitter today, and I am nothing if not a follower.

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/5174963/?claim=xgw6bwwm8ak">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

Why I'm Happy Today- February 12th Edition

I weighed myself on Sunday, and since New Years, I'm down 9 lbs. Now, that doesn't seems like a lot, but it's actually the first time that hasn't involved child birth, that I've managed to lose more than 1 or 2 lbs. Not only that, but I put on a pair of size 14 jeans this weekend- first time in a LONG time.

What I'm Doing Right- eating more vegetables, eating less carbs. Going for walks or jogs 2-3 times a week- averaging 16 minute miles. Drinking lots of water. Bringing lunch from home to the office helps too. No drive through foods.

What I Need to Improve- I still crave carbs, especially in the mornings. Oatmeal is better than a bagel, but not much. I need to eat more protein in the morning, because in the long run, it's more filling. I need to be more active. 3 miles 2 or 3 times a week is great, but it should be more like 3 miles 4-5 times a week. I'd like to get my mile time down to 10 minutes by the end of April.

Getting to Know You

Do you have any strange phobias? Not phobias as much as PTSD. I found way too many rotten milk sippy cups over the years, and I will not touch any cup or glass that has had milk left in it for more than a few hours. The kids poured it, they can clean it.
 
Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Usually undies and socks (I have really cold feet ALL THE TIME).

If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Yard work or swimming in the summer 

Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? 311. My husband and I have seen them live over 20 times since 1995.

Do you believe in karma? Yes. I do believe in karma. It might be subtle karma, but eventually, people get what they deserve.

Who is your celebrity crush? I have a thing for Jeremy Piven. And Evan Handler. And, if sports people count as celebrities, I love Jacoby Ellsbury- he plays for the Red Sox.

What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Hate: The noises that pigeons make. Seriously, our neighbors have a pigeon problem, and I've been woken up by the sound of vigorous pigeon sex more times than I'd care to remember. 
Love: Ocean waves, my youngest daughter's laugh (she still has a full on baby belly laugh, even at age 5, it's adorable).

Choose: East Coast or West Coast? Hard to say. I love both coasts (and yet, I live in the Arizona desert). I love the dramatic Pacific Northwest. I love the coastal California towns. I love New England. I love the south eastern coastal towns. But not Florida. I hate Florida.

What was the last book you read? I'm quickly working my way through Rhys Bowen's Her Royal Spyness mystery series. I finished book #3 Royal Flush last night, and I started Royal Blood last night. It's a mystery series set in England/Scotland in the 1930's. Strong female lead. Sketchy historical correctness. But a joy to read.
 

Do you like the smell of gasoline? Nope.

Do you have any nicknames? A few of my friends from high school call me KB.

What was the last movie you saw? At the movie theater, we saw This is 40. It was uncomfortably great- as in the main story was too similar to my marriage for comfort. At home- We watched something stupid....crap....(checks Netflix)...Trouble With The Curve. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't memorable.

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I've lucked out. I got a concussion in a car accident. Broke a finger skiing. Broke another finger falling into a pool at a swim meet. But those are all minor.

What’s the last thing you purchased? I bought a bagel and a diet coke for breakfast. Friday is my splurge day. The one day a week I don't eat oatmeal for breakfast. 

 
Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No. However, my Mom can.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? My earbuds for my computer are pink.

What’s your favorite animal? Rugby players.

What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Sleeping. The husband and I are training for a 5k. We did our run last night at 9 PM. I came home and passed out.

What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? The Beatles Ob La Di Ob La Da, Cecilia by Simon and Garfunkel

What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Deciding to buy the extra ticket to see the Blues Travelers play on October 13, 1995. If I hadn't done that, I'd have never met my husband. I just realized that it was a Friday that 13th that has changed my life dramatically.

What’s the last song you listened to? Die Young Ke$ha (guilty pleasure, I love to turn this song way up and sing along)

What is your current desktop picture? A map of NYC and Boston.New York- Because we want you to know where you are and where you are going. Boston- Because fuck you. Little bit of hometown pride (I'm from just south of Boston)

You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Flying

You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Easter 1999. I'd like to be able to really say goodbye to my Grandfather. He died a few weeks later, unexpectedly.

You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Barcelona, Spain. With the husband, without the kids. It's a destination on our bucket list. 

Link in the comments if you play along!

48 Questions

Full Disclosure- I stole these questions from Building a Kingston Castle

I love me some survey questions, because they let me talk about myself, without having to come up with a writing prompt.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope. My parents found my name in a baby book. I would have been Keith if I was a boy.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I can't remember. I don't cry a lot.

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No. It's chicken scratchy

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Three daughters who simultaneously delight and horrify me on a daily basis.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Probably. I'm fun to be with most of the time, and I'm not needy.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? What is this sarcasm you speak of?

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Fun fact- I only have one. The other one never grew in or something.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Froot Loops- straight out of the box. Even better, put them in a sandwich size ziplock bag and it's like 2nd grade all over again.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Yes, I think so.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Strawberry, most of the time. But I can't keep Ben & Jerry's Late Night Snack in the house, or I'll eat a pint in a single sitting. Oh, and there's this little ice cream store near me called Scooptacular that does a killer Oatmeal Cookie ice cream

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their face? I guess? I'm good with remembering if I've ever met someone before, even if I don't know their names. It does make for some strange conversations however, because I'll start talking to people in the grocery store, because I think I know them, while I've only ever seen them in passing (at places like the grocery store).

15. RED OR PINK? Ah, pink? I guess?

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I have a problem dealing with emotions. I get very uncomfortable when someone is emotional.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Hmm. I was lucky enough to have all four of my grandparents until I was 20, and only last year lost the last of them. Other than that, I haven't had any real losses.

18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST? I'm not crafty, so I don't know. I kind of suck at wrapping presents.

19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? These white, red and black plaid slip-ons

20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese (my breakfast 90% of the time)

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Not sure. Something over the cubical wall from my co-worker's radio

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Cornflower blue (oh! fun fact! My sister won one of those "Name the New Crayola Color" contests back in the 1990s Brink's Pink was her color, and it was available for a few years).

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? Chanel No. 5, apple pie baking, vanilla

24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO YOU? I am quietly political. However, I avoid political conversations since I tend to be the most liberal person in the room.

25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE? Beach for sure. There's nothing better than listening to the waves

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Baseball. Because I am secretly a 65 year old man.

27. HAIR COLOR? A dirty blond color that is getting darker as the years go on

28. EYE COLOR? Blue

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Not yet. I suspect I'll have to in the future.

30. FAVORITE FOOD? Lobster.

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I hate scary movies. But I do love crappy sci-fi. Monsters and disasters are some of my favorite things. I like a HEA.

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Watch. Not what I expected. Not very good. I expected a suburban comedy. I got fucking aliens.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? light blue t-shirt under a lighter blue v-neck sweater (I work with mostly men who refuse to let me turn on the heat in the office, so layers are essential).

34. SUMMER OR WINTER? If I didn't live in fucking hellish Arizona, I'd like the summer. But, I guess I like winter?

35. FAVORITE DESSERT? Bread pudding (again, I'm a 65 year old man in disguise)

36. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO? Ugh, neither? My husband is trying to make me a runner

37. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION? Computer

38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Dead Girls Detective Agency by Suzy Cox. It's YA. Interesting premise. I kind of like it. (Friend me on Goodreads! keen23)

39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? A calendar and my company logo

40. FAVORITE SOUND? I like white noise. I can't sleep without it.

41. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC? 1990's college rock. That ska-punk era. Horns, bouncy songs. old No Doubt, Reel Big Fish, Mighty Mighty Bosstones, etc.

42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Quebec, Montreal (from Arizona), Cancun, Mexico (from Massachusetts)

43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I read really quickly?

44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Boston

45. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW? Hell. AKA Laveen, AZ

46. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE? Brown. Just like every thing else in Arizona.

47. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR? Silver. Actually, now that I think about it, both of my cars are silver- my commuter car and my MomVan

 48. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 48 QUESTIONS? Yes, for sure