Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Halfway to Healthy

I've blogged a few times about trying to lose weight. But, as of Monday, I am officially halfway to my healthy weight (well, heaviest "healthy weight") of 145 lbs. In the past six months, I've lost 33 pounds. That's a fricking toddler! But, I have 33 more to go, and I expect those 33 pounds will be harder to lose. I'm doing Weight Watchers. Because I need someone to hold me accountable. I've gone from squishing myself into size 16 jeans into comfortably wearing size 12 jeans. My size 16's won't even stay on at this point, and that makes me feel amazing. I do wear a pair of 14's, but I need a belt to keep those up, and I only wear those because I'm not shopping for any clothes beyond what I really need.  Speaking of which, I don't have ANY shorts for this summer. Last summer I didn't wear shorts, preferring skirts that let me hide the fact that my legs looked like sausages.

I'll see my extended family for the first time in a year, at a wedding at the end of May. While part of me wants them to notice my weight loss, another part of me HATES the idea that I'll be looked at. That's a whole other can of psychological issue that I need to deal with, and does come into play- fat girls don't get looked at. Fat girls can hide.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Babies, Babies, Babies (But Not For ME!)

It seems that 2014 will be another year of babies, in my circle of the world. Three high school friends are having or just had a baby this year. Other classmates who I only follow on Facebook also seem to be having a fertility boom. My cousin just had a baby. My sister is having her third baby in October, and my sister-in-law will also be having a baby in October (her/their first!). Also, it seems like half of the bloggers I read on a regular basis are pregnant too.

A few years ago, I would have had ovary twinges, and maybe would have wanted to jump on the baby train. But not this year. I've really hit the time of my life when I feel really and truly done with the thought of having another baby in the house. Maybe I've become jaded. But, damn, my life is so much easier now that my kids are all in school full time, and are starting to become even more independent. Hell, my oldest turns 11 next week. Due to a slight bit of precocious puberty, I've already weathered the storm of a first period with her (yep, she'll kill me for this if she ever finds this blog). It's a strange feeling knowing that this child specifically is closer to being an adult than she is to being a baby.

I am at a different stage of my life than many of my peers. I got married pretty young- at 22- and had my first baby a few months before I turned 25. I had my last baby almost seven years ago, three weeks before my 29th birthday (she was "due" on my birthday, but complications and all that meant she was born earlier than expected). I've had four years of no diapers. Two good years of sleeping in on the weekends and not having to police the kids every waking moment. Two years of full time school, and the lower daycare bills that go hand in hand with that milestone. I am done. So, I'm making sure I'm done. I'll be getting Essure placed sometime in April or May. It's not my first choice, but it's the one that insurance will cover without a huge out of pocket payment. And my DH is not on board for a vasectomy. So, Essure it is. I'm sure I'll be writing about it.